On December 9, 2011, I woke up (my eyes were open, but brain function was minimal), put on my bathrobe, and headed downstairs. Unfortunately, I missed the top stair.
I proceeded to fly through the air in a Charlie Brown missed punt fashion and landed on my back/tailbone about halfway down the staircase. It knocked the wind out of me and the pain was overwhelming. I dragged myself to the couch and tried to keep calm enough to wish the kids a good day at school. As soon as they left I got myself back upstairs and back in bed. The pain was excruciating and I could not move without my husband's help.
Fortunately, x-rays showed that it wasn't broken. But I still had 4-6 weeks of recovery time ahead of me, and those first few weeks I spent laying on my side. Driving anywhere was impossible, even as a passenger. I was able to sit at the table for dinner with my family after purchasing my new best friend- the inflatable rubber donut.
Of course, I was embarrassed. "Everyone is going to think I have hemmorhoids!" I whined to my husband.
So I did what any crafty gal would do. I went to the thrift store and bought an ugly sweater to cover my donut. My hope was that it would make it look less therapeutic.
I found this extra large sweater at the thrift store:
Isn't it hideous? But the price was right at $1.50, and considering my selection, one of my more appealing choices.
So I proceeded to cover the donut:
And voila! I just knew that people were no longer going to see me as a hemmorhoid victim. I was now a NASCAR loving hemmorhoid victim. (It looks like a safety ring they would throw out at the final lap.)
Okay, so maybe it wasn't inconspicuous (couldn't I say it was Chanel inspired?). I was eager to put my tender tush on it at dinnertime.
I was extremely disappointed when I sat down on it. The beautiful quality of rubber is that once you put your butt on it, it stays put. Once I covered it in the obnoxious sweater, it slid around like a Jamaican bobsledder at the Olympic trials. I had just created what a friend referred to as the "Uh-Oh Danger Donut."
So, my donut is plain, but I'm happy to report my rear is recovering beautifully.